Let me start by saying I love you. Unconditionally. Like a father still willing to kiss his kid who just ate dog shit. Or a mother holding back her teenage daughter’s ponytail as she cough vomits up all that Everclear she chose to drink in glassfuls.
You raised me. You gave me a safe space to explore my own freedom. You offered flat endless views that offered the distance to dream of far away places. You showed me kindness was for real and not just for leverage. And so I went. Created new homes, explored foreign soil, tried to be kind.
In that going, I never really got over you. And so I came back. I created new homes, explored the mysteries you still held for me, I tried to be kind.
At first we felt level. There was still so much learning I had yet to do from you. I brought heavy hands full of new ways to be that I gathered on the road. I wanted to put glittering mica in my palm and gust it through your streets.
But lately, my hands have been clenched with a finger scolding erect. Too many times I have sat back as witness to you ripping away your peoples’ safe spaces to explore their own freedoms. Too many times you have proven that kindness is not always real.
And for once, I don’t know what to do with you. Unconditional love is forever. Playing repairman to fix the problems you choose may not be. So many people care about you. So many people are sacrificing bits of their own happiness to stay with you and care for you.
This isn’t a final plea. This isn’t a ‘change now or I go’. But sometimes love gets tough, and lately I have felt like going more than I have felt like staying. You have to choose what you want to be. I can sprinkle some mica, but that is a pin drop solution to your cargo sized contaminate.
Or maybe this is all better said by my sister-like friend Michelle Murphy who has been fighting the good fight stronger than most, “No to homophobia. Get real, it’s almost 2014.”
Here for now and always with love,
[In response to this heartbreak of a news story - http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/10/29/omaha-man-gay-attack-_n_4173658.html]